What am I going to do with all this candy?

Twenty years ago, there were people in our town who refused to give out candy on Halloween for religious reasons. Although I didn’t agree, it was their right to not participate, stay home, and turn off their porch light. Some of us, on the other side, bought even more candy that year, dressed up in wild costumes, and decorated our houses like cemeteries and haunted houses. We gave out candy by the hands-full … mainly because someone said we shouldn’t.

Now 2020 comes along with a pandemic that could really threaten the fun on Halloween night. We’ve been told to stay home, have a party for our kids and maybe Uncle Reggie who’s been living with them since he lost his job back in March. There were suggestions of scavenger hunts, with the reward at each stop being a candy bar, and in the end, the prize is a new toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste.

The candy sales have not gone down. Decorations for Halloween are selling out fast. Inventors all over the country are coming up with “Covid-Defying” machines to hand out candy and keep the “spirits” of the season. Someone invented a trough down which we can roll the candy into the clean bags, held by masked creatures who look more like the guy at the “testing site” than they do Casper the Friendly Ghost.

This has always been a time when we celebrate with elaborate masks, but those old masks won’t work. Spiderman might climb a wall for you, but he won’t filter out the virus. Sponge Bob can come up from the bottom of the sea, but he might have to quarantine for fourteen days first. Sleeping Beauty can wear her crown, but she’d better social distance as to not put Grandma in danger. The new hashtag is #Don’tKillGrandma.

This will not be the usual Halloween, but is there a usual? We’ve postponed it when it came on a big football game night. We’ve had it early to avoid bad weather. We’ve even started meeting at the downtown square to hand candy out of our trunks, so kids won’t get hit by a car or kidnapped by a “stranger.”

Although we used to have many kids in our neighborhood, the numbers had dwindled until recently. During the last five years, the neighborhood has “re-seeded.” I was planning on giving out lots of candy this year. Within three blocks of my house there are probably fifteen to twenty kids. I bought the big bag of Snickers, Kit Kats, and Hershey bars. That was two weeks ago. I was thinking I’d have to go back for more because they keep disappearing.

Maybe I should have bought Jolly Ranchers. I don’t like them very much. But I do like Snickers, Kit Kats, and Hershey bars. If you see me around town, don’t say anything about the chocolate on my shirt, the smear on my ear, and the wild look in my eyes.