Lizard, come back and bring the leather cap with you

My friend, my significant other, my “old man boyfriend,” has lost his cap. It is no small, insignificant situation … as I realized tonight when he prayed before dinner “… and Father help us to find things we have lost.” I laughed. “We” were not amused.

He and I are both getting older. We are both forgetful. We take care of each other by helping to look for things. However, I am a “good-looking woman” and he looks “like a man.” I’m the obsessive one. If I lose something, I am so driven to find it that I can’t sleep well at night till it is found. I recently tore my house apart looking for my hairdryer. I was convinced that someone had broken into our house… bypassed the good china and silver, left the computers and televisions, and overlooked the cash I’d left on the kitchen bar… and they had stolen my hairdryer.

It never left my thoughts. If I saw an electrical cord sticking out of a drawer… my heart rate went up… and I looked to the bottom of that drawer and the two under it even after I’d found that the cord was attached to an old radio. I threw the radio away.

I found the hairdryer weeks later on top of the armoire in the back room. It was secreted within the voluminous fronds of the fake fern that sits atop the armoire. I figure the thief must have brought it back. I FOUND it.

Well, I guess I’ve bragged to him too much. Now, if I don’t find that leather cap,… which he says is a “skimmer” and I call a “driving cap”… I’m not sure he will let me continue to be an official Good-Looking Woman.

He bought that cap online for less than twenty dollars. He remembered the website as being one thing, however when he tried to order another, he couldn’t remember the name, and he ended up getting into a sight that dealt in leather and lace, in chains and whips, but no “drivers caps.” Obviously, he didn’t remember the exact name. However, there are other website which carry the leather caps with the front bill and the pushed over soft top which is attached to the bill. That description is really lame, but that is what the cap looks like.

It’s not just the cap. A few years ago, I convinced him to attach a darling 18k gold “horny toad” to the front of the hat. The tiny gold lizard is about an inch long and has garnered many complements as it road around with him to doctor’s offices, banks, church meetings, grocery stores, and the Dollar General. Therefore, these are the places we have contacted. Most of the people we’ve called have remembered the cap and the gold lizard. They were sad that it’s been lost. They check their lost and found, under all the pews in the sanctuary, behind the teller’s booths, and inside the restrooms of various and sundry business establishments within a sixty-mile radius.

We have searched his house, my house, both vehicles, and the dog beds. I’ve gone on Facebook, but not Twitter. Maybe I will… if I can figure out the hashtag thing. I realized tonight when he called on God to help with the search, he’d given up on my abilities and gone to a higher power. Good luck, God. I’m at the end of my rope.