It’s reunion time again... get thin, smart and borrow a car

There are many in this country who could commiserate with me about this time. You see, it’s May, and many are making plans to attend a reunion this summer. Family reunions will include great-aunts you haven’t seen since they made fun of you as a child, children who look a lot like your own, and some people who have wandered into the wrong place and no one has the nerve to ask why they are there.

Of course, the worst is the high school reunion. Not the reunion, but the preparation beforehand. Unless you have a great memory or someone has made photo name tags, you might as well have wandered into the wrong nursing home. You say, “Who are those people?” Gray hair permed-to-the-max or no hair at all… mostly men. Wrinkles add character, but some of these “characters” must work in an alum factory. With a few paper clips and some superglue, we might recognize them.

Let me just say, the only thing I wore in high school that still fits is a pair of bulldog earrings. Maybe if I wore them, someone might recognize me. Sizes have changed, shapes have changed, and gravity has done its dirty little deed. But as we all realize, looks aren’t so important… but they help.

For one thing, if one sits at a table of people she doesn’t recognize and starts to reminisce, she may suddenly remember that she never really liked them at all. They stole her boyfriend, her part in the junior play, her math book, or just her self-confidence. At that point, you just hope they don’t remember who you “were.”

Some of those attending a reunion in August are lucky. They have time to lose weight, have their hair cut and let it sit for two weeks until the “new” wears off. They have time to find something attractive to wear without looking goofy. There will be someone who is still wearing that blue polyester plaid jacket and matching slacks their mother made them in high school. There will be some who have found something online that looked better on the screen than it did when it came out of the bubble-wrap bag from China. They will wear it anyway. Some will drive a new car. Some will bring pictures of someone else’s grandchildren. Some will brag about their important jobs or about saving the world for democracy. Maybe no one will catch me.

I’ve avoided school reunions. I never won the Nobel Prize. I was never asked to model at a style show… much less appear in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. I was in choir… not the band. I was in PE, not athletics. I worked on the school newspaper… not the annual staff which had a lot more clout. I was not a cheerleader. I worked in the Student Council popcorn stand under the bleachers during most home games, so I have no idea who played on the team or what they accomplished.

I can’t change that. Even if I did just go as myself and admit that I taught junior high English and history for thirty years, never won yard-of-the-week, and can’t find that trophy I won as the Most Dependable… even if I do that… I’m quite sure no one will be shocked. After all, they’ve done the same things, missed the same boats, and won’t be able to remember me, either.