If 2020 was a car …

If 2020 were a car, we would have had it back to the dealer fifteen times. We would have had to change out the tires, had to put a new air filter in every week, and had to have the transmission rebuilt. Of course, we would not have bought the maintenance agreement or the extended warranty. We hoped to save money because we’d never had a bad car before. Why waste the money?

And so, the story would have gone … At first, we heard about the 2020 model … early in February. We had no problem at that time. The onboard computers were supposedly carrying a “bug” in the programming. But, so what, we didn’t buy it in China. We got it in the good old USA from the dealership which advertises on our PBS station. We were sure the bug would have been fixed by the time it crossed the Pacific. At first, we thought the only cars with the bug would have stayed in China … but alas, some were shipped to the USA. That’s how we got it.

Someone suggested that we buy a special additive which would prevent the bug in the transmission from moving on to the carburetor and maybe even fouling up the navigation system. Someone else suggest we bleach the radiator. At first, we laughed at the people who bought the additive. “What’s the matter?” we asked. “Are you afraid of looking like a wimp? Only wimps run out and buy add-i-tives to put in their brand-new cars. People will laugh at you.” And they did, but the additives didn’t work.

Along about March, the transmission went out, and we were forced to stay at home. The dealership was so overrun with requests for help, they stopped answering the phone. Their mechanics were working round-the-clock, trying to keep the cars running. We saw a message on the news that everyone with the new cars should not drive them out in public without a lot of caution. When the “bug” got into the navigation system, the car might start running into other vehicles. The wi-fi on board was interacting during accidents, leaving the other car with the “bug” from China.

The government wasn’t much help. They spent most of the time arguing over which mechanic to believe. After all, they said, we don’t drive Chinese cars, so we don’t see any problem. We didn’t think they knew about the wi-fi contagion problem after vehicle accidents. One of the domestic auto-makers finally came out with a way to check the computer in the car to see if it was infected. Cars lined up all around the square. We suspected ours was sick, but we got the test anyway.

After the results came back, we decided to stay home or walk to work. As we lived in a small town, and walking was possible, that part didn’t bother us, but some people in the cities were unable to keep their jobs, pick up their take-out orders, or even make it to church on Sundays. They were afraid their car would be hit by one of the “positive” cars.

Now, we’re hoping for a better year. In the upcoming months, the government has come out with bumpers to put on the infected cars, tests to perform at the Ports-of-Entry, and a little financial help to those who have been “hit” with this problem. We are expecting a twelve-hundred-dollar check in the mail. That should pay to have it hauled off.

Yes, if 2020 were a car, it would have been a lemon. … and there’s not much lemonade in sight right now.