Saving money, one drop of water at a time

According to Graham authorities and my friend Wanda June, our water rates are about to be raised. Leonard, Wanda June’s husband, is sure it has something to do with Hillary’s emails, but I have a feeling neither the Russians nor the Liberals brought this on. The city will hear complaints, but we’ve probably got to live with it … or without it … excess water, that is. 

What can we do? As I see it, we can either use less or find a cheaper source. Our forebears here in town must have faced a similar fate in years gone by. Their solution? Water wells. I live in an older part of town, where water wells are widespread. I’d say that every fourth house up and down my street has a sign in the yard to prove that they are using a water well. Some of the newer homes have even added a water well to their property. I’m jealous. If my yard is green it’s because I’ve tithed heavily or I’ve spent the money on the water bill. Either way I’m out the big bucks.

I could have a water well dug. My lot is rather small, but I think there’d be room to park the drilling machine in the alley and slant drill under the neighbor’s lot. Of course, when I considered the cost of the well, the lawyer to defend me, and the embarrassment at being caught, I decided against it. 

My secondary plan included borrowing from neighbors. There’s a house on my block, just a few doors down which has a nice water well. When the residents were alive, their grass was lush and green. They had a productive garden, and their dog was bathed weekly. The house has been empty a while, but I figure the well is still operational. They were nice people, and I’m sure they would have wanted me to have a green yard. I would hate to use their electricity, so it would probably require a long heavy-duty extension cord. 

The cord may be less a problem than the length of hose to run from the pump back to my yard. With a heavy-duty electrical cord and a sturdy hose, it should work. Of course, there would be interruptions in service when the traffic from the high school was heavy, but my biggest need will be in the summer, and the traffic slacks off during the summer. 

I don’t know how to hook the hose into the sprinkler system, so I’ll probably have to hire a plumber. The last time I tried to change a washer in the shower, the repair bill would have paid the first year of college for my granddaughter.

It seems the negatives of a well are adding up. So, the other alternative is to use less water. Maybe I’ll wear my clothes more than once. Airing them on the back porch should help. The washer and dryer will last longer. I haven’t had to replace the iron in years … since I decided wrinkles were in style. The oven has lasted more than twenty years since it rarely heats up. So, this is a good idea. Less work, less money, and the appliances last longer … win, win, win.

Of course, we must drink. We should bathe regularly. We probably need to mop the floors and wash the car. We could go to alternative drinking, but paying for expensive coffee, beer, and wine will probably not offset the cheaper water bill.

Maybe by being conservative, I can keep it down to the minimum charge. Maybe it will rain. Maybe dead grass will become popular. Maybe not.